Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the chapter ends here...

the free ride makes its stop here and the transition back to America starts here…im sitting here writing this blog when I should be writing my paper for your class thầy Gerard (THANK YOU for the extension—id probably be crying my eyes out right now without it) its been a crazy four months and even crazier week with final, papers, projects. I cant believe that its all coming to an end.

this has been a wonderful and breathtaking experience. ive driven a motorbike (homegirls—still haven’t found my other half that has a motorcycle who will not drive a motorcycle anymore when hes dating me cuz its dangerous but is still HOTTTTT ;) LOL), ive gone skinny-dipping in the late night in quy ngon, ive eaten chuột đông, snake and many other unmentionable things <-- please don’t make this controversial, ive seen bác hồ, ive crawled through the tunnels at cu chi, ive never had to swat so many times in the bushes in my life, ive never gotten diarrhea so much in my life in such a short period, ive had a lot of firsts in Vietnam and the one thing that I never thought that id have the opportunity to do was to live abroad

theres a famous quote that id like to share, it goes “life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.” These past four months of my life has been the best for a long time. Before all this was all possible, I went through an emotional rollercoaster and ive never felt so broken before. But lucky for me I always my brother, who always tries to be strong for me when im weak. He could be hard-headed sometimes but I know deep inside, theres a soft spot <3 I know that I don’t get to tell you this often but I love you, and I would give up anything for me because you push me so much cuz you believe that I have the potential even when I don’t believe in myself, you do. Youre my inspiration and if I can be just like you even in the smallest ways, id be okay

through all the ups and down, you’ve always been by my side. And if you didn’t push me to apply for eap more than I was going to already, I wouldn’t have had this amazing experience with such amazing people. Man, do I hate goodbyes. I am fortunate that I have met so many of you, you made such a difference in my life and I do not know how we are going to part ways. youve made me a better person, and now that its time to go home, you will meet new and more people and you will transform their lives as you have mine, so thank you.

you guys will always hold a special place in my heart, i hope that one day we will cross paths again.until then, thank you & God bless everyone <3

MUCH love,
i love you guys
see you guys at home soon.

(sorry if this is all cheesy, but its straight from the heart)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Nghệ An

Beside the long bus ride, nghe an was freaken awesome. The city had a meeting with us to thank us and we came to thank them for giving us permission to visit the schools. And when the “wreckless” bus driver was speeding and we got pulled over, co giang called the mayor and the mayor told the police to let us go. THAT ITS SELF WAS PRETTY SICK! The power of networking :D

Although the city was pretty small, we got to visit some really cool places. The beach was awesome. At first I thought that all this white spots on the beach were Styrofoam and I was so disappointed but I took a closer look and it turned out to be shell :) hehe the boys played catch with an orange and all the girls just took pictures hehehe.

But the next day, we got to visit the schools and the kids are to die for. We went into groups of 3-4 to each classroom and played with the kids while others were counting how many jackets each classroom needed and passing them out. And in the classroom the kids sang for us and the teachers let them play this game called something dragon where the kids stand in a line and hold each others shirt and theres one kid who has to get through the first kids and tag everyone else. It was soooo funnnnnnny!!!

And finally the jackets came and the kids were so excited. We gave it to them, they tried them on and the took them off again cuz it was too hot during that day. Then we went in groups to visit 32 of the poorest families in the village and the pretty emotional hearing their hardships. And you will learn that the village is mostly populated by women because men have to go to the coal mines to make money. I am so glad that I was able to visit the families :)

Through all of our hard work and dedication, kids from nghe an are a little warmer than they were yesterday. The only thing that I wish was better was the quality of the jackets. “made in china…” no wonder. Some of the sleeves were sewn together so you cant even pull your arms to the sleeve, some of the zippers broke while we tried to zip the kids up, and some of the jackets were too big on the kids…but in an asian family, that’s good because itll last longer because you can ALWAYS grow into them. Hehehe

I left my heart back in Sài Gòn :(

I’d have to say that I after the trip to South Vietnam, I can definitely say that I feel a lot safer in Hanoi than I did in Saigon. On two separate occasions, Irene and Mindy almost got their purse stolen. According to John who got his information from a taxi driver, the reason why Saigon we saw more thefts in Saigon than Hanoi was because all the bandits from Hanoi relocated to Saigon. The reason for this being was because Saigon is located next to Cambodia and there are many casinos there so…it just made sense that there would be of them in Saigon.

BUT aside from all that, I’d have to say that I love Saigon.

For once in a long time, I felt as if I was home and EVERYONE could understand what I was trying to say. It got to a point where people didn’t believe that I was a foreigner. LOL, the ironic thing is that when people think I’m a foreigner, I always wished that they thought I was a local and when people think that I’m a local, I always wished that they thought I was a foreigner. Call me bi-polar but yeah…

Anyways, one of the best parts of the southern trip was the fact that I was finally able to see my cousin, Chế Ngọc after thirteen long-ass years. She came to the Đoàn 30, the famous military hotel, to pick me up.

I heard a knock and my hotel room and it was Chế Ngọc. I tried to give her a hug because I missed her but it was note reciprocated. Apparently, Vietnamese people do not hug, I think they closest thing to a hug in Vietnam is a handshake and that is on rare occasions—usually you just make eye-contact or bow their heads. It was really nice seeing some familiar faces after three months in Hanoi <3

One major aspect of the south that I noticed the most was the fact that there were more beggars there than in my entire stay in Hanoi. And generally speaking, there were more youthful, elderly, and handicapped beggars.

Kids as young as five or six were roaming the streets of Lông Xuyên selling lottery tickets instead of being at home watching tv or playing like I was when I was that young. They were trying to sell us lottery tickets for a good half an hour. When we were at the café shop, they stuck around to the point where Anh Khoi asked the store owners to tell the kids to leave us alone because we do not play lottery here. SO instead of buying the lottery tickets from them, some of us bought them toy cars and dolls. For a brief time, they were just able to be kids again. I felt like they were stripped of their childhood, but I do understand that family constraints restrict what you can do and what is needed of you to survive.

I forgot what it felt like to be a kid myself :D just seeing the kids’ faces glow was priceless.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Một Trái Tim Nước Việt Nam

One Heartland Viet Nam has opened UC’ers to the Hanu community like never before. We had the opportunity to work side-by-side with each other. And through the hard times is when you really get to know someone. It was just nice being outside of my room and haning out with everyone. We played badminton right outside of the C building, I learned how to play poker (kinda—still suck though), made tra chanh and coffee, and learned the recipe for xoai dam :) I got to work with a lot of the hanu that I didn’t get to before, especially Phuong, shes pretty awesome. youre so funny and I don’t know if I would be able to make all the food like she did and her sushi was delicious

Im speechless about poker/casio night. We missed class because there was no way that we could’ve finish setting up and the lighting was a MAJOR problem but thanks to anh thang and the an ninh we had light…pretty much cant do anything without light up on the roof.

we got paper money that we use to burn để cúng as decorations so how the “baller-ness” of highrollers. Awesome idea-thanks to me hehe jk. It wouldn’t have been a success without everyone’s help especially John, Miki, Khuong, and Peter. (Peter, you cant subtract any point from me because those posters were freehand ;) I can draw if I tried. LOL)

Partayyyyy and drink for the kids in nghe an. Lol. There was great music, awesome bia hoi, crazy dancing and all with the people you love to share it with.

And after everyone left, son, vi, peter, lena, mary, carol, mindy, miki and I sat on a chieu and ate xoi ngo, muc, and tangerines and it was pretty awesome. We were just talking about everything and singing songs. It was so simple, but so memorable.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

iNDiViDUAL - THANK YOU!!!

At the end of the day through all the headaches and conflicts at Sao Mai, I am pleased to say that I’ve genuinely enjoyed my time at Sao Mai. Despite the things that I felt were wrong or can be improved, I’m happy that I was able to be so involved with the organization. It was a great opportunity to learn the ins and outs of the Sao Mai and work with the most adorable two and three year-olds ever!

I remember walking up the stairs to the classrooms and I was praying to God that Nancy or Lan would be assigned the first room, but lucky for me, Chi Phuong that I would be working with cô Vinh and cát chị. I was petrified by the facts that I got babies because I was always scared of them crying and me not knowing what to do with them besides picking them up which would be a bad habit because that would only reward their bad behavior and whining.

The other day, I was walking with someone (sorry forgot who you were <3 Mai?) and I told them that kids don’t like me and they only like me when I 1) inflict pain on myself or someone 2) get them toys and 3) give them candy. But here it was a totally different environment, the kids are so loving and they always cling on to me (one little boy in particular clung onto me because I had access to leave the room and so he wanted to follow me -_-) LOL just kidding but yeah. I know them all by name and each child has such a unique personality.

I think that I’ve grown a lot through this process of working with kids. To some these could have special needs and are not capable of many things, but to me, they’re just kids. They play, they run, they eat just like we do.

Furthermore, I would like to thank Trung Tam Sao Mai, Chi Phuong, the teachers, and for trusting Lan, Nancy and I with painting the playground for the kids and Paulina and Nina for helping us out. You guys are so awesome and you guys have such big hearts. I was very afraid at first that we were not going to finish out project or that it would look “crappy” but it turned out beautiful when we all pulled our efforts together.

Regretfully though, we did not have the chance to the kids out to play on the newly painted walls. But you know, there’s always next year. And Anh Thai make sure we continue to work with Sao Mai because it is soooooo far from Hanu and the syringes on the sidewalks on the way to Sao Mai gives you such an adrenaline rush :/

Anyways, thank you Anh Thai, Thay Gerard and most of all Nancy and Lan for making this a wonderful experience for me <3 ily

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Don't Dis My Abilities

No matter where we go, no matter what we do, no matter who we are, people are always judging us except for The Big Guy upstairs.

I came into Sao Mai with an open mind and no expectations. Through the weeks and months there, I have grown to appreciate the things I have more often. Although I do not agree with all the ways in which the organization is run, I have quickly learned to appreciate that there are non-governmental organizations like Sao Mai in place. Sao Mai provides children with an education while catering to their special needs. There are teachers that pulls the kids out one at a time to teach them. This is a great one-on-one time for the kids to excel because all the attention is focused on them. I really respect the organization and even more recently because I learned that the teachers are trained regularly by Peter, a British specialist for children with disabilities. Although the teachers are train in how they teach and handle the children, their mental conceptions of the kids remain the same and they do not seem to change how they perceive the children in the sense that they don't believe that the children has potential in the world and that they will never be accepted by society. 

This job is designed specifically for people who live children and have patience and tolerance. When people hear the word tolerance, the words: discrimination and racism come to mind, but I mean that they have to train themselves to deal with situations like this one child who has mood swings.

My jr. high, Irvine Intermediate School, was the only school that had a program designed for students with psychological and mental disabilities. I remember one of the boys serenading me with the song "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff (popular song at the time). He would sing the song for me for days. nd there was Peter. Peter has down syndrome. He would chase my friends and I every where and so we played along. He was a really nice guy and he had a great sense of humor. I remember learning that he was Vietnamese when I saw him at mass with his family. Growing up, I didn't feel any kind os separation from those with disabilities. I think that I'm a pretty diversified person, thanks to my parents, but there are many instances not too long ago when it was hard to accept myself because of my appearance or because of the things that I do. I think that when we learn to love and accept ourselves, it is easier to accept everyone. It is difficult but I think that we all should get past that point and once we do, we'd be happier and better people. 

Acceptance and tolerance is applicable to everything, whether the trend is having Apple Ipods or the way we dress. People seek approval and acceptance from society as a whole.     

Sunday, November 21, 2010

thoughts? and?? feelings???

This is one of my last weeks at Sao Mai and its BITTERSWEET! When we first started out painting, we thought, well I though at least, that we would be ablet o faw pictures of kids jump-roping, running and playing. BOY, WAS I WRONG! I WAS TOOOOOOOOOO OPTIMISTIC. Lol. After long weeks of knowing what the hell we were going to paint, things took a turn for the better. We decided to do something simple that was easier to do and mass produce. So we took those portfolio envelopes and cut out a stencil of a cloud, a heart and a start to represent Sao Mai because Sao Mai translates to “morning star” in Vietnamese.

We were all getting stressful going to Sao Mai and not exactly sure what we were doing. Everything seemed like it couldn’t get any worse but it only did. First the blue paint was not “poppin” and we have 5 liters of cream paint that we do not know what the heck to do with. And by accident we bought paint for metal surfaces and it hella stained our clothes and body and dirtied the bathroom sink. In the end, the oil-based paint worked really well because it was thicker and was more visible on the walls/pillars.

Nothing matters now because the playground is BEAUTIFULLLLLL and I had my doubts at the beginning. I wouldn’t change anything about it now.

In the process, we had the opportunity to meet and work with so many people. It was pretty awesome. Despite what Sao Mai thinks of our efforts (I do hope they like it), I like it :D and that’s what matter because we tried out best <3

although we were able to please the teachers and chi phuong, i think that chi uyen (the one who found our bus route from DH Hanoi to Sao Mao) doesnt like us anymore because we never help out basic chores that shes supposed to do like washing dishes or sweeping the storefront at the cafe anymore. its pretty obvious that she doesnt like it anymore, but good luck to the people who end up at Sao Mai next year, and be sure to get to know co hieu <--such a nice, strong, and courageous lady, very admirable...plus shes from saigon so she can cook pretty freaken well <3

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

self and identity

I think the most rewarding part of this volunteer class (cong tac xa hoi) is that fact that you can change little lives “a little at a time.”

I think that I’ve become more responsible and dependable. Before this experience, I was pretty afraid of hurting the kids or doing things wrong. As a result of service-learning, I am proud to say that I KNOW HOW TO PUT ON A DIAPER FOR KIDS AND HOLD A BUCKET FOR THEM TO PEE IN :D YAY!!! What an accomplishment! Never in my life would I ever come close to anyone’s pee before. If I didn’t sign up for volunteering, I would never ever been expose to such task until when I become a mom and have to deal with all of this.

I learned about myself and my self-value. Everything was usually handed to me and I had a lot of people watch after me especially because I was the youngest and the only girl in the family. But through all of this experience, I learned that I was capable of many things including the fact that there was still a language barrier between me and the teachers, I learned to work my way around it to help them wherever and whenever I can and get my hands dirty.

From being around all the teachers and kids, I think that it has pushed me into perhaps a career path where I go into teaching (definitely not high schoolers, and probably not elementary school) college students are a little more motivated because they first of all got in to college :) ahhhhh and maybe those plans are inclusive to my plans to get my MD or PHD some how...BUT wherever I go, despite which paths I take in my life, I will always have this experience with me and the knowledge that I obtain in the process.

--peace and love

Sunday, November 14, 2010

iNTEREST

What drew me most to Sao Mai was the fact that the organization mainly took care of kids who were affected by Agent Orange directly or indirectly. I didn’t know what to expect in the next few months of volunteering and what challenges I might have to face. It was kind of scary because I didn’t know how the kids would act.

Before this, I remember that some kids might have attachment problems. For example, this one girl at Thanh Xuan Peace Village grabbed a hold of Phuong and wouldn’t let her go unless she promised to go to her hometown with her and her dad. And she couldn’t leave because she lived at the organization.

I know that there are many challenges that one must overcome, as this is all a learning experience.

Back in spring 2009, I took a course called Making of the Modern World. In the course, we were supposed to do a research paper about a country during a certain time period and develop an argument. I choose Vietnam between 1954 and 1975 and my debate was that Agent Orange was the #1 cause of birth deformities in Vietnam. I specifically chose Vietnam just so I can learn more about my heritage and Vietnamese history along the way.

Although, Agent Orange is “not a cause of autism and birth deformities” according to some of my sources, I do believe that there are still people who are affected by Agent Orange and pass on the toxins that are embedded in their blood to their children.

If I remember correctly, Anh Thai said that Vietnamese still like to blame the war for all the deformities. BUT one must remember that there are always other factors like malnutrition, water sanitation, etc. that may inhibit and cause deformities often seen in victims of Agent Orange.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Familiar Food and Familiar Faces - Miền Nam

No doubt...Sài Gòn is the place to be. You can go shopping, eat, bar hopping, get mugged by people on motorbikes in the middle of the night, pretty much everything you can do back at home in the states but 10x better. Because underage drinking makes everything even better. LOL.

I also met chị Hoang-An--my now adoptive chế. hehehe. We were pretty much spoiled. We got a nice ass hotel, free breakfasts, bomb-ass food, some True-Religions---you name it but the three missing parts of this experience was Chị Mốc, Lena and Thầy Gerard.

After thirteen years, I finally got to see my cousin, chế Ngọc, again. I remember when I was seven, my family and I were staying at my aunt's house for a few days while we were in Cần Thơ. When the electricity in the neighborhood went out, my brother was playing games on the computer. He got so scared that he leaped from the desk to the bed but he fell short and his head hit the bedframe and split his eyebrow (a little above the forehead). We called for a taxi and drive him to the hospital because he was bleeding pretty heavily and needed stitches.

Besides her giving me these puppy figurines from her room. I remember growing up, every one called her lazy. ). I wanted to ask her about our family history but she didn't know much. The sad thing was that what she knows about our family history was what she heard from the children of our family friends that she hung out with. She told me that the only time she saw or talked to grandma was when she would come over to bring her food that my aunt had just prepared.I didn't really know her much, but as I learned this time around, she started her own business selling bedding and mattresses in Sóc Trang (my mom's hometown). After a long conversation with her, I think that she's grown to appreciate more of what she has and longingly regrets the fact that she was not so close with the family.

I think that a lot of this has to do with the fact that she was heavier than most girls in Vietnam and she also grew up without parents as my aunt passed away of cancer and my uncle died of depression not long after my aunt's death, leaving my cousin with one older sister in Vietnam and another in California.

A lot has changed since I was last in Cần Thơ. Apparently the house that my aunt own is located on property that the Vietnamese government plans on taking to widen the roads, thus many resident in that area now lease their home and are afraid to do any renovations to the house as it might be teared down. A lot has changed, the circumstances has change, but all in all Cần Thơ is still my home and I love it, despite the night life and places to go and things to do. I enjoyed being in the little comfort of home.

can you sayyyyy sooooociety?

Volunteering at Sao Mai opened my eyes to the community. Never before have I had the opportunity to work with such an organization or kids. And it’s great seeing how much some of the teachers just love and adore these kids while some teachers just teach them tough love.

When Lan, Nancy and I were painting and there was a group of about 20-25 college girls from one a educational university right across the street from Hanoi University. Although they came from many different backgrounds and experiences, they were all at Sao Mai for one reason and that was to check out the vicinity, one in which they might work at in the near future.

All the girls there were really friendly and caught us off guard when we were painting and they were so kindly enough (and excited) to help us transform the playground for the children. It’s inspiring such young people so motivated as I “used” to be dunno what happened to me :( LOL. I sound like I’m older them…we were born in the same year -_- Moving on…I talked to a few of them while they helped us paint and apparently there are quite a few organizations like Sao Mai out there besides Thanh Xuan Peace Village.

I guess in the states I was very oblivious to everything that was going on out there. It’s opened my eyes and it’s like a whole new world out there. It’s a shame that took me this long to realize that there are people out there suffering every day.

My dad told me to remember to appreciate everything that I have any disabilities like blindness, and that I have people to take care of me. And lucky for the kids at Sao Mai for having such lovely parents…I see it in the kids eyes when their parents or grandparents comes to pick them up. And to have an organization to care and educate their children.

Friday, November 5, 2010

relAtionshipppppppppps

i think one of the hardest things when an outsider comes into an organization is developing a solid relationship. and i think that it was more difficult just because we are foreigners so at times it is harder to build trust between the two sides.

luckily, students who volunteer at Sao Mai next year with have a pre-developed relationship with the organization. starting out, i was pretty nervous and anxious every day that i went volunteering. in the beginning, the teachers did not really give me any task. and i was kind of glad of that fact because i didnt really know how to handle the kids, but as time went on, i was better able to understand how the classroom is ran.

I didn’t really develop or try even to develop a relationship with the teachers until the next few days I was at Sao Mai. But the teachers quickly became open and they started asking questions and wanting to know more about me (its not that I like to brag about myself) but the classroom felt more open. They asked me if I had a boyfriend and my family and the typical questions like why I was in Vietnam.

Later, as the months went by, they always shared food that they brought with me and they were just really happy to see me (WHICH IS AWESOME!) and the sad thing is that once I started painting the playground, they didn’t have the extra help that they had with me around. So like all relationships, things take time to build. And the one thing that I regret the most is the fact that I didn’t get to know the teachers as well as they got to know me. Besides the fact that I met co vinhs daughter and found out that chi thuy has two sons I do not know much about their lives because I was too afraid to ask. So in the next weeks I hope to get to the point where im close enough that the would invite me to their family’s wedding like nancy did. Heheh ;)